U is for: "US 65 & US 75"

On the timeless road

travelling afar.

Taking us

to the completion

of an old journey,

and to the beginning

of a new horizon

      One year we planned a family trip.  Some things, were the same as many preceding years (i.e., week 18; my brother-in-law, Eric’s, timeshare; Little Gull, Unit #15; Longboat Key, Florida).  Other things, we changed (i.e., our means of transportation).

We decided to drive our van on our first cross-country trip.  Our goal was to beat Chicago’s rush-hour traffic or time clock of rush as I refer to it, and to make it into the mountains of Kentucky and Tennessee before nightfall.  You see, Edie had been studying the United States during the 1996-1997 school year.  Every week she had a Mystery State Packet.  This usually contained two states with stories, questions, puzzles, etc. about each state.  It was conceded that for this reason, hey she could do her homework in the car (and last year’s airplane fiasco), that we would take to the high road by vehicle. 

After this photo was taken, our family and that sweet face single-handedly delayed our flight for thirty minutes.  We discovered that it's not the weather that will hold you back in hours travelling, it's our family and their bathroom blues.

In the olden days, back in the day, when I was growing up, we played travel games on our road trips.  You remember don’t you?  Ours were mostly alphabet related.  “I went for a ride in an airplane, and with me I took an Apple, Banana, Crazy brother…” Or locate, individually, all the letters of the alphabet in signs located outside of the car.

Now-a-days, the truly intelligent, modern, parent or anyone who has half a brain in their head will buy or rent the ultimate time passer.  It’s the travelling buddy, one that no kid can resist:   videos… or in that day, an AC/DC television with VCR capabilities.  And don’t forget the Disney! 

But we were not very smart that time.  We chose to do things the old fashioned way, because we thought that they got enough TV at home and we simply didn’t want it on vacation.  We wanted them to see the United States,

Well, we were travelling for a little more than a half an hour when we played our first game.  Not just the “Are we there yet?” game taught to them by the infamous Katie Dorn, but an even better one.  Have you ever heard this one?  O!  It's certain to hit the "Top Ten List" of most parents.  And it goes like this:

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

No we're not!

No we're not!

When are we going to get there?

When are we going to get there?

NEVER!

NEVER!

AND THEY SING IT AND SING IT UNTIL YOUR EARS ARE ABOUT TO FALL OFF!  I'm just waiting for the day that Katie has a child of her own.

Yeppur, Grumpy Tag was the sport of choice for Evan & Emma.  And it was a good one, too.  They argued in English; they argued in twin. 

They played that “He Touched Me ~ She Touched Me” battleship game. 

One time, I even heard, “Evan, you no look at me!” 

Then he came back with, “Evan no look at Emma!  Emma look at Evan!”…

We had food fights ~ the modern day kind.  Evan blew raspberries at Emma.  And Emma would reciprocate and yell at the top of her lungs, “EVAN!  YOU NO SPIT ON ME!!”  And Evan would proceed to blow an even bigger tongue with flutter in her direction.  Archie Bunker and Andre the Seal would have been proud to have seen this.

They fought over Dee-Dee’s (security blankets as Linus and the rest of the world calls them).  Evan stole Emma’s; then Emma stole Evan’s. 

Then, Emma yelled, “Evan breevings Emma’s AIR!”

And Evan returned with a rapid reply, “NO!  Emma is breeving Evan’s AIR, more and more, ever minute!”

That was it, so I said, “We are all breathing the same air.  Roll down the windows!  Now there’s enough AIR for everyone in the van.”  (I turned around and began pointing.)  “You & You & Edie & Daddy & Me All Are Breathing the Same Exact Air.  See…”  Pregnant Pause “Now both of you — put one hand on your mouths and one hand under your butts to remind you to be quiet and keep your hands to yourselves and to your town things!” 

Mom was the judge and jury; they both lost. 

“Why don’t our children ever sleep in strollers like normal children do?  Why don’t any of our children sleep in the car like normal children do?  Why don't our children literally NOT  climb the walls like normal children do?  You’d think they would.  I mean this started at 5:30 a.m. when we got on the road (late) in Chicago, and now it’s continuing at 9:30 a.m., we’ve reached Indianapolis, for God’s sake. You'd think they'd be three sheets to the wind by now.  Where'd you pack my Mt. Gay; I say we actually buy them Coke this trip.” 

And at that moment, I admitted I was wrong about the road trip, and that we should have rented or bought a television for the van.  And then I said something on the order of:  exiting the interstate, going to the (IND) Indianapolis International Airport, grab what garb we needed (like UNDERWEAR), and flying some friendly skies to Florida. I was serious!!!

It didn’t happen.  Their dad just drove like a 500 Driver right on by the ramp and off we were to broaden our horizons some more on the open road.

By the time we got to the Tennessee Mountains, Emma & Evan were bound and determined that Julie Andrews was going to come running out of them thar’ hills and break into song.  They knew it, and there was no changing their twin minds, and that was that.  So the next thing we knew, Miss Edie Marie began to serenade us with her sweet soprano vibrato, ^“

 

^llThe hills are alive with the sound of music.

With the songs they have sung for a thousand years.

The hills fill my heart with the sound of music.

My heart wants to sing every song it hears.^ll 

Rodgers and Hammerstein

"The Sound of Music"

© 1965

Maybe you had to be there, but we thought it was pretty hysterical.  That was the first time we laughed on the trip.

Another time I gave Evan & Emma some new Colorforms.  Emma took “Winnie-the-Pooh” and started a narrative playtime; Evan took Buzz (“Toy Story”) and started to see how and why they stuck to the cardboard picture, but not to his arm, head, clothes, box, etc.; Edie, on the other hand, snuck “Cinderelli” into the back seat, and stopped doing her homework, which I'm sure she said she started only to appease the mum.

The first day’s trek ended fourteen f*#$ing hours later in Woodstock, Georgia (near Atlanta) to visit my kid’s aunt, uncle and cousin.  Then we journeyed to Florida…destination Longboat Key, Florida. 

My brother, Steve, drove down from Michigan that week and spent a couple of days with us.  And my parents joined us for the entire stay, too.  We visited my children's grandparents, and anunt & uncle, and many friends.  We were bushed.  Then we began our Northern venture.

On the return trip, we stopped in Georgia again to visit some friends in Blairsville (gorgeous country!).  Right before we got there, my ex was “pulled over”, for doing how much (95 or 100?) by one of those “Good Ol’ Boys” we’ve all heard of.  After he received his speeding ticket, he turned around in the van and said, “Well, Edie, have you seen enough of the United States yet?”  (Like she was the one driving.)  “Because we’re not planning on taking any more cross-country road trips ever again!” 

So the one line that Emma has said every day since we got to Florida she needed to hold near & dear, because who knew when and if their dad would take another trip with us: 

“I do wuv da beach!  Emma go to da beach agin, peas? ”

“Coquina Hugs”

© Copyright 1976-2011 Leslie D. Zenoni dba Coloured Pencils